Hitting Rock Bottom

I was supposed to write this article weeks ago. It’s been a hard year for me. Yes, you read that right. We’re two months in, and I am struggling. I’m trying to accept that this is a season of wrestling with the Lord. 2018 went that way. 2019 seems to be headed in the same direction.

It scares me a little bit, to be wrestling. I want to have the answers. I’m the “Christian” friend in a lot of spaces. That means people want to know what I think. They look to me for wisdom. And right now, I really don’t feel like I have any to offer.

And this is where The Enemy creeps in. And that’s why I’m trying to write this article, even though my brain feels jumbled and the words feel forced. The Enemy wants me to tell you that I’m not struggling. He wants me to tell you that everything is fine. If I can convince you that I have everything together, it will send you into a spiral of comparison, feeling worthless about yourself. And the pressure of holding myself together will cause that stained-glass masterpiece to shatter.

When that happens, Satan wins. When that happens, we walk away from God, broken, defeated, hopeless.

I don’t know what you’re going through. Maybe you’re overwhelmed. Maybe you’re tired. Maybe you want to give up. I feel all of those things in some degree.

But here is what I know: God is with me.

Yeah, yeah. God is with us. Emmanuel. Whatever. That doesn’t pay the bills. That doesn’t fix my broken heart. It doesn’t write my thesis. Except that it can.

When God tells Abraham that Sarah is going to have a son, Sarah laughs. She was too old. It was too late. She had messed up her chance because of the Hagar and Ishmael controversy.

God’s response to her is “Is anything too difficult for the Lord?” (Genesis 18:14)

God tells Zechariah that Elizabeth will get pregnant. Zechariah’s doubt in God’s ability to make this happen renders him speechless. (Let’s be clear - God renders him speechless). When Mary gets visited by the angel and is told she will bear the Son of God, she asks, “how will this be?” (Luke 1:34). The angel answers her by telling Elizabeth’s story, saying “No word from God will ever fail” (Luke 1:37).

A few weeks ago, I was listening to “Reckless Love” by Cory Asbury. Suddenly, I couldn’t keep singing because I was weeping. The tears came from nowhere and they wouldn’t stop. I needed to be reminded that there is nothing God won’t do to chase me down. I needed to remember That every battle I’m fighting, He is fighting, too. That the concepts I know in my mind are REAL and TRUE for my heart. That because of the blood of Jesus, there is nothing that can separate us.

Is anything too difficult for the Lord? No. Elizabeth has a son, John the Baptist, who prepares the way for Jesus’ ministry. Who baptizes Jesus. Sarah has a son, Isaac. A son who helps father the nations. Whose lineage leads to Christ.

Matt Chandler says this: "God isn't in love with some future version of you. It's not you tomorrow that He loves and delights in. It's not you when you get your act together. Listen, if you believe that, you're in idolatry. If you believe that the love that Jesus has for you is some future love then you dismiss the cross of Christ."

God loves you here. Now. He loves you while you think you have nothing to offer. He loves you while you fight Him. He loves you when you question every single thing you think He’s doing. He loves me even though I’m wrestling. Even though I’m doubting. Even though my soul is weary.

The next few minutes or days or months might be hard, but they are conquerable. And so is whatever you’re going through. Because nothing is impossible for the Lord.

Written by the lovely Morgan Coyner.