The Art of Being a Wife

Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it's not always easy! Barbara Rainey, author of Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife, was kind enough to chat with M&H about the ins and outs of marriage. As her daughters began their married lives, Barbara wanted to share with them, and now you, some of the lessons learned throughout her own marriage as well as those gleaned from years of ministry to couples. Through heartfelt, insightful letters, she answers the tough questions and addresses the realities of marriage. Through personal stories--including her own mistakes--and practical advice, Barbara provides the tools and direction to help you become a godly wife and determine your part in achieving a better marriage.

God uniquely picked you for your husband and he uniquely picked me for my husband. There are things in my life and things in his life that God wants to bring together to paint a picture – which is why I use all these art illustrations in the book – He is painting a picture with the two of us that is going to be different than the picture He is painting with you and your husband. He wants all of our marriages to reflect a picture of who God is to the culture and to the world that is watching.

In addition, Barbara is the founder of the CUTEST online Christian store for sprucing up your home with charming accents, Ever Thine Home.

How does she balance writing books and managing the popular online retailer? Let's get her inside look on life!

Beginnings of Ever Thine Home?

When I was raising my children I wanted to find ways to make the holidays more meaningful, more about Jesus. Christmas is about Jesus. We know that. But Thanksgiving is rooted in gratitude which comes from God, too. Easter is the pinnacle of our faith, yet it has been reduced in recent years to bunnies, chocolate eggs and chicks. Families need traditions to tie them together. Our holidays all have spiritual and biblical roots, so I'm trying to create items that help women guide their families in celebrations that are meaningful and teach their kids more about God!

Faith?

It's essential to every aspect of my life. I became a believer in Jesus Christ as a college student. I've been learning ever since how much I need to depend on Him as a woman, wife, mother, grandmother, friend, daughter, sister, co-worker, mentor and much more. The older I get the more I realize how much I need Jesus every minute.

Advice for your 25-year-old self?

I'd give my self lots of advice! I was naive in many ways, insecure, and not confident. I would encourage myself to relax, not be so self-critical when I made mistakes and failed. I would quote Romans 8:1 to myself and say repeat this every day because it's ok that you can't do it all!

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

Best piece of advice you've received?

• "Only one life, twill soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last."
• "We cannot Lord Thy purpose see, but all is well that's done by Thee." 

Your simple pleasures?

I love gardening! ✿ It's so satisfying to make something beautiful that will stay that way for a while and possibly a very long time. I also love reading great books! My daughter just shared The Nightingale with me and it was an amazing read. I love painting too, both oil and watercolor painting, and I love painting walls in my house or in my daughter's homes. I love helping them fix up their houses because I know how busy they are with kids so it's a fun way I can serve them!

Tell us about your book!

The beginning is such a fun story! When our sons both got married in the same summer of 2001, my soon to be daughter-in-law asked me if I'd share some of what I'd learned about being a wife with her. I was surprised and very honored she asked. I didn't want to let this opportunity slip away, so after the two weddings I wrote my first email, they all lived in different states, to these two new daughters and my oldest daughter who'd been married 4 years at the time. I wrote a story of how I first learned the value of believing in my husband. Over the course of the next two years I wrote about ten email letters to them.

After two more daughters got married, and as I talked to lots of young women, I knew I realized the need was larger than my own family. So from those initial letters I added more topics and expanded the originals into this book. It was a labor of love for my girls and all their friends as I thought about them all as I was writing.

What sparked your desire to write the book?

I had a book I read and reread as a young bride until the pages were bent and heavily underlined. It was my guide on being a wife. So I hoped to create the same kind book, full of encouragement and helpful instruction for today's young wives like my daughters.

How do young wives struggle in todays world? 

There are so many competing voices for their time and attention. They are confused about what to believe, how to spend their time, how to make decisions, what values to adopt and many more. Comparison, which has always been a struggle for women, is at an all time high because of instagram and other social media!

What could they work on to become better wives?

I think young women know God should be involved in the marriage but have no idea how to make that happen. It's not a simple formula! It's a relationship that starts with God. Get your relationship with God right, learn about Him, discover what He says about marriage and you will understand more about being a wife. And your marriage will improve!