COVID Wedding Planning

Brides-To-Be: My wedding went off as scheduled, the first time around. I am not going to pretend to understand or know how heart-wrenching it must be to spend so much time and money planning the perfect wedding, just for a pandemic to rip apart those plans and undermine all of that hard work. What I can say is during my wedding planning process, my husband reminded me what the essential part of a marriage was – how it's a commitment that does not change, no matter the circumstances.

After two years of planning and six years of dating, by the time November came around, we were more than ready to say “I do.” Our wedding day was going to be perfect—and I mean perfect! We scheduled every minute from sunup to well past sundown, and there was not a detail overlooked.

In normal circumstances, I am confident sharing how I thrive under pressure and don’t flinch at unexpected obstacles or changes. Still, in the weeks leading up the wedding day, anything that didn’t go exactly as planned was Earth-shattering. Admittedly, I would cry, sometimes in secret, and sometimes in public.

Most notably, about two weeks before our wedding day, the venue shared how the days before and day after our wedding had booked a tent over the courtyard, not leaving the venue enough time for them to tear down and put up the tent. In short, we had no choice but to have a tent for our ceremony. Never in a million years did I want a wedding that was not completely open air. I refused to have the view interrupted or the ambiance altered by a tent, of all things. I tried everything to convince them to take that tent down, but they wouldn’t budge, and their interpretation of the contract (which I still don’t agree with) was that they were within their rights to force this on us. So, there I was, sitting with my soon-to-be-husband in the lobby of the courthouse waiting to get our marriage license, choking back tears because of a tent. I know that sounds silly, but hearing that the perfect image in my head was ruined and the was nothing I could do about it was hard.

My [then] fiancé did the best he could to be loving and supportive and understanding, and at that moment he said the most loving thing he could: whether or not there was a tent, we were still getting married and that is the only thing about the day that will make him happy.

TALK. ABOUT. PERSPECTIVE. When I say I felt so small, I mean it. How could I have forgotten or lost sight of the whole purpose of the day? Was I such a selfish bride-to-be that I discounted the celebration of love that was ahead of us, tent or no tent?

My husband had no intention of making me think those things, but I’m thrilled those feelings were a casualty. For the next few weeks and the day of, I made a conscious effort to remind myself of that in everything I did wedding-related, and it made all of the difference.

I tell this story to hopefully remind others to remain humble in their wedding planning journey. 1 Corinthians 16:14 says, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” While that lesson is often reserved for the already married, pracicing that virtue can begin well before the "I do's" are said. Start by affording yourself the love and patience to feel, but also to be kind to yourself. Inevitably, this practice will spill over into your relationship; remember the groom, too, not just the wedding.

Yes, I know that COVID-19 has been tumultuous. I understand how hard it is to hear how all of the time, money, and effort that's gone into planning something so special is not that important in the grand scheme of things. Believe me when I say, I probably would be having my share of tantrums and cries. You deserve to have and process those emotions, but please, remember that God has put before you a partner that you love and loves you. Remind yourself that you are just rescheduling or changing the plans for one-day out of forever, and take it from me: on the day of the wedding, the only thing you are truly focused on it each other; the rest is all background noise.

My husband said it best: whether or not there was a tent, [you] are still getting married, and that is the only thing about the day that will make [you] happy. (Don’t tell him this is in writing, but he’s right). If your "tent problem" is like mine and feels like a Christmas-light decorated albatross around the neck of your ceremony, or if it’s a metaphorical tent (like COVID-19), remember to be kind to yourself and your groom. What a blessing it is that you have a person to thank God for every time you think and look at them.

"Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God." (Philippians 1:3)

Maggie Van Lieshout, her husband Alex, and their two dogs are pictured above.

* Wedding phtography via Anne Canon Photography