☜ Once Upon A Swipe ☞

For a long time, I refused to use online dating. I had this hopeless idea what it would look like when I met the guy I’d fall head over heels for. It would be a classic “meet-cute” where I’d meet him at a coffee shop or a record shop, although I don’t recall that I’ve ever even walked into a record shop. Or maybe a quaint, used bookstore (I don’t know why it’s a used bookstore and not Barnes & Noble or something). Nevertheless, we’d both reach for the last copy of the same novel, our hands would accidentally meet and sparks would fly.

Anyway, I decided to surrender my constant daydream of meeting someone in a precious way. I told myself that if being with whoever I end up with makes me happy and the relationship has a strong foundation, it really doesn’t matter how I meet the person anyway. So I hung up my pride and tried out online dating for awhile. I tried dating apps like Coffee Meets Bagel, Tinder and Bumble. Honestly, I had no clue where else to look to meet someone and online dating seemed like the best option.

My online dating experience was mediocre. I went on a few dates and none of them were very notable. In fact, I can’t really even think of anything to say about them now besides that they clearly didn’t lead anywhere. There was one guy I kind of clicked with and saw a few times but we kept it pretty casual and it didn’t really fill my spirit to continue seeing him.

I wasn’t the best at Tinder. I would leave some of the poor guys waiting because I rarely went on it since I was so unconvinced that it could actually work. I left one guy waiting for a response for so many days that it really upset him. My bio at the time was “Just looking for someone to binge watch Game of Thrones with” and he was so upset I wasn’t responding that he decided to send me every major spoiler for season 6 and 7. It was infuriating. But then again, dating in general is pretty infuriating to me lately.

I like to think I’m an overall positive person but I’ve been filled with so many doubts that I’ll actually ever meet anyone. I’m so scared of being single for the rest of my life. I think online dating can work for some people. In fact, I’ve seen it work with some of my best friends. But I’m throwing in the towel for now. 

Everyone keeps telling me that he’ll come when I least expect it. That he’ll find me when I’m not even looking. I think that maybe I haven’t found the right person yet because I’m simply not ready to meet someone right now.

I have some work to do on myself. I want to be the best me so that when I show up in a relationship I’m able to give it my all. I’m giving up online dating because I’m giving up the concept of seeking someone out. The only person I choose to search for is myself. I intend on filling myself with all the goodness that brings me fulfillment, meaning and happiness. And I intend to pray that when I’m ready, God sends the person I’m no longer searching for, right into my life.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the Heavenly lights. - James 1:17