What Love Truly Means

"You love so fully and completely. I have never been loved the way I'm loved by you. But what I love most about you, is your deep faith. Thank you sweetheart, for choosing me," Shruthi Parker's husband, Hank, shares at their wedding, tears glistening their eyes. Their wedding video depicts what marriage really means: the joining together of families, customs, and most importantly - faith. Shruthi shares the secret to a flourishing marriage:

If you want to know why our marriage or relationship is the way that it is,
the simple answer is because of our faith. Our faith is bigger than our problems and bigger than this world. By it we live, are given direction, and have hope.

The gorgeous Shruthi shares what love is, from an insider of a Godly marriage that puts Him first.

Love is... holding no record of wrongs.

It’s not “I forgive you” but still giving the cold shoulder. No matter how badly you want to give them that chilly, chilly shoulder. It’s not “water under the bridge” but still constructing a wall to distance yourself. You know what kind of wall I’m talking about. One of those Great Wall of China walls we’re so good at building. It’s not “let bygones be bygones” but bringing it back up in a current argument and it’s not “forgive, but don’t forget” or  “you owe me.” Do you get what I’m saying? Love keeps NO record of wrongs. If it were easy, we’d allll do it. And so much of the problem lies with a severe lack of communication. We don’t get to hold grudges for something we never conveyed (!!!). Just look at our world’s growing number of breakups, separations, & divorces to see how many records of wrong are tearing relationships apart. My challenge to you: Search your heart for any grudges you hold. Write those down. Either talk to the person, or drop it like it’s hot!

Love is... oneness.

What do I mean? I mean that it’s not his family or my family, it’s our family. It’s not his money or my money, it’s our money. It’s not his time or my time it’s our time. And yes, It’s not his goals or my goals, it’s our goals. We lay out all the cards on the table and figure out, where do we go next that is best for the both of us, not just one? It’s sharing our truest, deepest dreams with each other and figuring out how we can achieve them together. One is not the hero and one is not the sidekick. We are both a team, walking side by side, lifting each other up when the other is tired or down. It’s that one cannot and will not leave the other because we share the same heart. A bustling city or booming career pales in comparison to companionship that grows old with you. Compromise on both ends is tough work and these days, pretty rare. But there is such joy that comes from supporting each other and staying together as one.

Love is... seeking harmony.

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t always have to be right. You’re going to live another day even if you don’t win the argument. And, you don’t have to get the last word in. Love is caring more for harmony than coming out on top. In moments of disagreement, it’s about seeing the other person, whether that’s your spouse or friend, as your teammate rather than your opponent. In moments of hurt, it’s about being the first to forgive and seek reconciliation. When my husband and I get into disagreements, the easiest thing is to exchange one hurt for another. But with humility in harmony, we can look past our hurt, forgive quickly, and transition into using our different perspectives as an opportunity to learn. If the issue doesn’t reach this point, it remains a waste of time and energy …and it leaves us wounded. That’s a dangerous place to be in because those wounds fester, and one day, even a simple issue could bring out all the other wounds that never healed. Next time you’re in an argument, ask yourself this: Is winning the argument more valuable than the relationship itself? Am I bringing old issues back up in this current disagreement? Do I even want harmony?

Love is... learning each other's love languages.

What do I mean? Well, in case you haven’t read this book already – “The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman” – you absolutely should. It’s a short, quick read on the 5 love languages that each person responds to on different levels. The 5 love languages are quality time, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and verbal affirmation. After you read the book, you can also take the test. This test helps you understand which way you receive love the best! We took this test while dating and then again while married. It is SO helpful because you can alter the way you instinctively love someone so that you’re considerate of the way they receive love the best. For example, my husband and I are huge quality time people. If you want to make us feel loved, lets grab a cup of coffee and get lost in conversation for hours. But besides quality time, he is also a verbal affirmation person. I’m more of an acts of service kind of gal. It’s funny because he wanted to me “verbalize” more when I wanted him to “do” more. Thank goodness for communication where we can tell each other these things and love the the other person in the ways that bring them the most joy.

Love is... fighting with respect.

What do I mean by that? I mean that by the end of the conflict, you’re stronger than you were before. I mean that no matter what, you have each other’s back and never let down the other person in public. I’ve seen partners/friends put down the other in front of friends or family and, it makes me cringe with every fiber in my being. First of all, try to take that conflict into another room. Second, realize you’re both on the same team. You both have different minds, eyes, and heartbeats, so of course your thoughts aren’t always going to be consistent! But if both of you know that the end goal of the conflict is to have harmony, peace, & understanding, that’s what will happen. Fight with humility. Fight with the desire to convey your thoughts kindly. Remember to fight without manipulation. Never, ever raise a finger. Forgive freely and admit your fault in the conflict because more than likely, both parties are at fault. Unless you both are the exact same person, you are bound to fight. So why not use those moments to grow stronger together?

Follow Shruthi! ☼

* Lindsey Mueller Photography