Milk and Honey Magazine tips for singleness. Go on adventures, read Andy Stanleys book on love, sex, and dating, and grow closer to Jesus!

"Being single sucks, right?"

Olivia Nicholson
  • "Being single sucks."
  • "I just want a boyfriend already."
  • "Why aren't there any nice guys even worth considering as boyfriend material?"

I could go on and on. These are all things I'm sure I've said at one point or another, in some shape or form. "Being single sucks, right?" That's what society tells us, that's what our culture says. But what if it didn't have to be such a negative thing? I don't think it has to! Yes, I know it can be hard or sometimes frustrating, discouraging, and lonely, but let’s take a look at the flip side...

After I broke up with my boyfriend in early college, I told myself I was going to take a whole year and learn more about Jesus and discover more of who He says I am.

Along with this commitment, I began praying for community; a community in addition to the one within athletics, a group with different passions and interests; people who would walk with me and point me back to Christ. I made this commitment, and without even praying it directly, God guarded my heart and blinded my eyes to men I may have considered dating or 'talking to' throughout the year. I look back now and am just amazed at how He worked specifically in that area of my life.

So a year passes, now what...? My community started to grow, but I began to get very discouraged with Godly men in my life. I saw and conversed with many "Christian" guys, but it seemed none of them were 'actual' Godly men. There wasn't anyone who could lead me well in a relationship, no one who would point me back to Scripture through good and bad, nobody to protect my heart, etc.

Recently, as I was wrestling with this discouragement and longing, I realized something... there is so much beauty in singleness. Really!

Being single allows for freedom, growth, and acceptance. We get to do whatever we want, whenever we want, without having to consider anyone else's feelings, schedules, thoughts, or emotions (...and no, I am not talking about sleeping around or hooking up with anyone and everyone at a party)! While this may seem selfish, I don't think it is. You can travel the globe, move to a new city, or start a new job without having to take into account that other person! But even more-so than doing things or going places, this freedom takes us to an important place of self-discovery.

Y'all, there is so much time and room for personal growth during our seasons of singleness. I read a book last spring called The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating, and it really changed my perspective on the whole idea of being single, dating, and marriage. The author, Andy Stanley, made this statement: "What are you doing to become what the person you're looking for is looking for?"

Listen... this is huge. I was waiting around and praying for a Godly man who would lead me and potentially a family well, pray for/with me, point me to Scripture, love me as I am... but then I thought "Hold up! What am I doing to become those things for HIM?"

My role may look a little different than my future husband's, obviously (being a female/learning to submit to him, etc), however I hadn't been doing anything to prepare myself to be a Godly woman who can point him to Scripture when he's struggling. For my future husband, I want to be someone who is willing to love no matter what. I plan to be a daughter of Christ who knows my worth goes way beyond anything of this world and so on.

I was not doing a thing for my future husband. It made me ask: "How can I be praying and hoping God gives me this amazing man when I am not doing a single thing to prepare my heart to be a wife?"

Y'all, this season of singleness is a BLESSING to prepare our hearts to eventually be a bride! (and to recognize, in the meantime, we are CHRIST'S bride!)

Another facet of singleness is the time to experience and rest in is the acceptance of who we are in Jesus. During this time, we can allow God to completely fill us with His truth and His heart before we let any man of this Earth tell us how we look or feel or are loved. I could the hottest guys at my college give me compliments, but ultimately, at the end of the day, I would still feel empty and not good enough without Christ. That is why it's crucial to discover and know who you are as a child of the King, learning to allow His spirit and love to fill us before we let any words of this world dictate otherwise. This is our time to explore, mature, and discover. If any men are reading this, these things apply to you, too.

I think relationships are a blessing from the Lord, and there's nothing wrong with being in one right now. But if you are currently single, can I encourage you to use this time of freedom to grow and learn to accept who you are as a child of God?

And if you are in a reltionship, there are ways to prepare your heart to be a husband or wife during this time, as well. There are ways to experience freedom and do your own thing then, too, and it is possible (and recommended) to chase after God's heart and fully trust in who He says you are while still in a relationship.

I hope one day I will be able to write about what I have learned from a relationship with the man I have been praying for, but for now, I will continue to seek Jesus and the ways in which I can prepare my heart to be in a relationship built on His love.

“If you are single, and you want to know who to marry, run as hard and as fast towards Jesus as you can and if, out of the corner of your eye, you see somebody running in the same direction, take a second look.”
-Pastor Tommy Nelson

Milk and Honey Magazine tips for singleness. Go on adventures, read Andy Stanleys book on love, sex, and dating, and grow closer to Jesus!

Olivia is a book worm, Colorado State volleyball player, and lover of Christ.
* photo by Nick Monaghan