The Desires of Your ❤

Have you ever seen a piece of satire that hits a little too close to home? One of my friends recently sent me this excerpt from a young, married, Christian blogger.

I get it. Singleness is SO tough. I’ve been there! During those 6 months in 8th grade before meeting my wonderful soulmate (jared the sexiest hubby in the world :):):) ) I was so alone. It’s a season of life that just knocks you off your feet, doesn’t it?! Haha. I’ve been there ladies. So if you’re 25 and have a crippling fear of being alone, WAIT ON GOD’S TIMING. His timing was conveniently perfect for me so I guess I just feel like I am the appropriate person to give you advice :) By the way, we’re expecting!!!!!!!!!

Earlier tonight at my church group, I heard a similar message delivered from one of the young men on staff. After gushing about his new wife, he told our group of mostly single 18-25 year-old Christians to focus on seeking God’s love first.

While I myself am far from married, I’m currently emerging from a long period of singleness. And when I say long, I mean it’s been nearly six years since I’ve actually had a boyfriend. Years marked with disappointment, loneliness, and yearning for validation. For intimacy. For a love that’s never quite satisfied by friends, family, or even God.

Even for women outside the church, our culture sends us messages that romantic relationships shouldn’t define us. And that’s absolutely true! We women owe a lot to the feminist movement: the right to vote, the opportunity to work in all types of careers, and even the ability to choose a spouse. Yet when culture glorifies the image of a “strong, independent woman” and encourages us to make decisions based on career potential instead of relationships, it misses the mark.

The truth is we need all of the above. We absolutely need God; He is our creator, our source and destiny, our reason for life. We need the freedom to work, to impact the world, to shatter glass ceilings. But we also need companionship. That’s an indisputable fact. It isn’t shameful, and it doesn’t diminish our equality or make us weak. After all, it goes both ways; men crave love, too! God created us to need one another.

From the very beginning of the Bible, God makes His intention for partnership very clear. After God creates man, He surveys His majestic work, this creature designed in His own image. Then He says: "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). 

This is hardly an isolated instance. Throughout scripture, God reveals His design for men and women to be married to one another (the topic of same-sex relationships is one for another article). In the New Testament, Paul defines "The husband of one wife" as a qualification for holding a leadership position at church (1 Tim. 3:2, Titus 1:6). Also, have you read Song of Solomon? The entire book resonates as a sensual love letter from a young man to his new wife. It’s very clear that God designed us to feel desire, passion, and love.

If you’re currently in a season of singleness, this may seem discouraging at first. But the truth is, realizing that romance fits into God’s plan is incredibly liberating. If you have a stellar family, amazing friends, and a great prayer life, you may still feel unfulfilled—and that’s completely normal! Wanting a man by your side doesn’t make you a bad Christian. It just makes you human.

The last thing I want is to be the woman speaking from the pedestal of a relationship saying “it gets better.” So instead of talking about how God is writing your love story and blah blah blah, I’m just going to say that your feelings are valid. 

Psalm 37:4 says “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Your desires are a gift from God! Whether you’re recovering from a breakup, reeling from an unrequited crush, or just wishing the right guy would notice you, I encourage you to enter into open dialogue with your sisters in Christ. All of life is an opportunity to grow spiritually. If we learn to speak authentically about our struggles, we can cultivate community that radiates truth and keeps it real as we trust God through every season.