How to Pursue a Man

Standing in the Whole Foods check out line to pay for my already half-gone kombucha tea, I flipped through a popular women's lifestyle magazine. "Read on for tips to make him fall madly in love with you!" The article explained how men are easily manipulated with the right tactics. I was instructed to find my prey and work my magic using the fool-proof tips in the $3.99 love manual.

It's ill-considered articles like that which tempt women to become the initiators. Often, we dig our own graves by moving too quickly and taking on the dominant male role in the budding of a new relationship. We make our feelings known whether or not the man has provided any sense of encouragement. 

Let me save you $3.99: Let men do the chasing. And keep them at arms length.

I was recently chatting with a young woman who explained her latest dating escapades with a man at work. They never had an official label, but he took her to dinner and bought her drinks a handful of times throughout a month span. He called her every so often too, and she felt they had a real connection. "Then out of the blue, I didn't hear from him again. Nothing! He'd even walk the other way when he saw me in the hallway." She inevitably cornered him one day after he didn't return her texts and calls: "Come on! Why aren't you talking to me! Shouldn't we at least discuss this?!"

Game over. He more than likely didn't love her when they were out to dinner, definitely doesn't love her now, and will probably never love her. And she craved love and didn't care if it was reciprocated. That is the hard, gut-wrenching truth of the matter.

Women sometimes find themselves attracted to men who aren't attracted to them - at least not enough to make a move. But in this age where women have general equal rights, should we care who makes the first move? Does it make a difference? "If it feels good, go for it!" Right?

I recently asked a couple guy friends of mine what they looked for in a woman. I asked them what they thought about women wooing men instead of the other way around.

"I'd rather be with someone I have to chase. I'd like to do the pursuing. It's much more attractive, helps me feel like more of a man. It's a bit of a turnoff when a woman throws herself at me... There's something enticing about a challenge." I heard a variation of this answer multiple times.

When asked what characteristics they find attractive in women, they were quick to answer:

Caring. Feminine. Graceful. Delicate. Hard working. Loving. Compassionate. Poised. Independent but willing to be helped when needed. Grounded. Family/faith oriented. Courageous. Charming.

My favorite answer, however: Mysterious. Men are interested in women who don't share every single detail of their lives. Men find it enticing when they don't know exactly what's going on in a woman's head. Men like to wonder.

So, back to the original topic: "How to make him fall madly in love with you!" Want to know the real way? Don't stress about boys. Don't pay too much attention to men who don't pay attention first. And definitely don't take advice from the goofy gossip mags at the grocery store.

Women are "imperishable ornaments of a gentle and peaceful spirit." (1 Peter 3:4) Let's live like it and leave the pursuing to men. It's their job and they'll appreciate it.