Struggling With Depression

I remember when I first met Brittany Georgia - she was a bright, bubbly young woman with gorgeous blonde hair, stunning blue eyes, and that natural "Southern Charm" hospitality every girl wishes she could nail. Brittany was a few years younger than me, and I remember thinking, "Wow, if I had my life as together as her when I was 17, I'd be walking on water at this point!" For a young woman her age, her confidence is unmatched. It was so clear she felt comfortable in her skin and had an attitude as if to say "I'm ready to take on today's whimsical adventures - with class!"

Brittany's blog is a gem for any young lady to read. Just check out the intro:

"Life is a story, God is the author, and you are the main character. He is writing in pen so there is no erasing the mistakes and no going back. Learn to live with no regrets so by the end of the story it is a best seller."

Brittany reflects on how, even as a young woman as pretty as a Barbie doll and with a future as bright as the sun, she can still have struggles. Be encouraged by Brittany's honesty - she is such a role model.

Check out Brittany's story below, darling girl.

Eventually, we all hit a low point in our life. And “when we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change.” Some are fortunate enough to make the greatest good change, and others are suffering and stuck making the greatest bad change.

Many of you know my story with depression from four years ago, but I guarantee, none of you would have known I hit another bottom. Another bottom that was far lower than the last one.

After battling depression four years ago, I promised myself three things –

1. I would love myself, every single aspect. Never allowing the person in the mirror to put my mind to shame of who I am.
2. I would never rely on another person, I would only rely on myself as an independent young lady.
3. I would never go through that again.

I recently had a breakup, and I immediately after competed at Miss Wisconsin Teen USA – my third year in a row competing and placing top five, once again. This honor was so unbelievable, however fast forward about three weeks after the placement, and after the break up and my mind and body started having the “so close, yet so far away,” feeling.

Then it became more often – I was tearing myself down, telling myself how awful it is to have placed top five three years in a row and not know what to change to do better next time. As bad as that sounds, feeling bad about a three time top five placement, it is even worse thinking you are not good enough and soon I broke my first promise to myself; “I would love myself, every single aspect.”

I didn’t love myself so much that I would work out twice a day, every day, and hardly eat to lose weight. I didn’t love myself so much that I would sometimes take up to two hours to 'get ready' and I would walk out of the bathroom with no makeup on and my hair barely touched because instead of taking the two hours to actually try, I simply stared and cried just looking at myself.

I didn’t love myself so much that I broke my first promise to myself; “I would never rely on another person.” I didn’t love myself, so I turned to guys who I thought could help me love myself. I turned to guys who called me beautiful, but then used me.

I let them though, so that made me just as bad, but during this time, I fell in love with what they were saying. I fell in love with them saying how they wanted me and calling me pretty and making me feel significant, again. But that feeling only lasts so long when it is all for lust and not love. I soon broke my third promise; “I would never go through that again.”

I fell apart.

I shattered. I lied. I was never home. I practically ran away from reality. I didn’t want to die, but I didn’t want to live. The feelings were all back, except instead of turning to a plan of suicide, I didn’t even have the efforts to try and that almost felt worse.

It wasn't until I recieved a call from my mom telling me one of my friends was very ill. I went to visit with the friend and pray for them and everything changed - by God's grace. I laughed, caught up, and broke completely admitting to the anxiety I was having towards my crazy new life I created for myself. I needed to let it out, and talking with this friend who was also in need, I found clarity. I needed to hear myself say it - "I am not in a good place."

Since that day, one month ago, I decided not to let anxiety and fear run my life.

God is too big and TOO GOOD to allow my life to waste away. I started eating again, I stopped weighing myself, I started loving myself, I stopped running away from everything, I started pushing myself to finish getting ready (both hair and makeup,) I started talking more with friends and family, I started modeling again, I stopped communicating with those who drag me down, and most importantly, I started believing in myself.

There have been so many things that have taken place over the last three months and unless you were apart of it, it is hard to understand and even harder to explain. However, to summarize it up – I did things I regret, I felt things that I never want to feel again, and I really lost who I was.

Everyday is a learning experience. Everyday is a new day. And everyday, I am trying harder. I am loving every aspect of the new me, I am becoming my independent strong self again, while making sure to balance having an “us” rather than John and I in our relationship, and I am for sure, making my comeback.

I am excited to be rebuilding and working on myself. So here I am, telling you all to be prepared for the biggest comeback I have had yet.

* M&H does not own photos