Heartbreaks & Heroines

So I may be a little late in the game. But now, at 21, I have officially experienced my first heartbreak. At first, my defensive instincts kick in and I want to think of ways to hurt him back. Or I want to try and convince myself that I don’t care as much as I thought I did, and therefore I’m fine and over it. But that would be a total lie. I loved him. And I love him. And I will most likely continue to love him.

But those things are out of my control. Just like I can’t control the fact that someone broke up with me. At first this post was going to be an instruction manual. "How to Get Over Breakups Like a Champ." But there are no perfect instructions. And there is no fool proof plan to healing your heart faster. The only thing I can tell you to do is let yourself feel the pain. You’re experiencing a degree of loss. And losing someone is never going to be easy. So the sooner you can begin to embrace that hurt, the sooner you can work through it.

First I want to address how most people want to start listing all of the bad things: A list of reasons I should be glad it’s over, or a list of all the negative that was in the relationship. But those aren’t the things I want to think about. I want to remember the good. Not for his sake, but for the sake of keeping myself sane.

When you start thinking of all the bad things, you tarnish all of the good; which, in the end, is only wasting your own time. I don’t know about you, but I would rather not look back on almost 9 months of my life and convince myself I wasted my time. Because in reality, I didn’t. Those 9 months were great.

Next, the curiosity sets in. If you were the one who was broken up with, how are you ever going to know the whole truth of the situation? You only know what they’re going to tell you. The only reason for the break up you’re left with is the one THEY tell you. And that is something you just have to accept. Whether you believe it or not is up to you. But digging and prying will only drive one person crazy: you.

ALSO: Don’t let anybody dictate how much time you’re allowed to take to get over the situation. If you need to take an entire year, you take it. If you’re over it in 24 hours, kudos.

Everybody is different, and everybody deals with grief in a different way. So, for someone to tell you you’re wrong for the way you deal with something, is absolutely ridiculous. The only person who knows how you’re truly feeling is yourself. So give yourself the time you need. The only thing you need to make sure of is not letting your “moving on” process get in the way of living your life. This person has already broken your heart, don’t give them any more than that. What you need to realize is that you’re going to live.

Now, the only person who can make you feel a certain way is ultimately yourself. You can control how you let things affect you. Yes, having your heart broken is absolutely horrible. I now know first hand. You feel like someone is clenching your heart in their fist while their pet elephant sits on your lungs. It’s not pretty.

But, that shouldn’t be a reason to completely lose sight of who you are and what you want for yourself. In fact, use this as motivation. If there’s one thing I’ve realized through all of this, it’s that I now know exactly what I want for myself and how I’m going to get it. And with this new found freedom, there’s truly nothing stopping me.

Do something for yourself. Go on a trip, get your nails or hair done, buy a dress. Clearly we know which one I chose… If you’re wondering what’s with all of the photos of me… This is me coping. This is me doing something for myself. And let me tell you, it feels DARN good.

Finally, draw near to your friends. Most likely they have experienced their own heartbreak before. These people will be your heroines/heroes. They are the ones who will do their best to help you through this. Having good friends around during a time like this is vital.

And the most important thing for you to remember: YOU ARE AWESOME.

Read more from Olivia here.