How To Be Intentional

Victoria Freiberg

Intentional (adj): done on purpose; deliberate; studied; meant.

I'm pretty intentional. Or, more accurately, I have been told that I am an extremely intentional person. By intentional, I mean when I come across someone I want to be friends with or want to learn from, I pursue that friend/mentor in a passionate and perseverant way. What can I say, I enjoy building bonds!

This intentionality has many benefits, including the formation of new friendships; however, it can become very difficult when you feel as though people don’t reciprocate that pursuit.

I have gone through phases of life where I’ve felt like the only reason I had these friendships was because I was the one actively pursuing them. In other words, I felt like the people in my life weren’t giving the same amount of effort as I was, and so, the weight of maintaining our friendship was placed on my shoulders.

I wanted to be pursued by my friends. As people, and specifically women, we have a deep innate desire to be pursued by the people in our lives. So, what did I do when I no longer felt that pursuit? I almost gave up. I almost said, “I’m done with being intentional. I'm done with pursing these friendships and loving these people I feel will never pursue or love me in the same way.”

Then I remembered this so called “Golden Rule” I’m sure we have all heard a million times. It’s found in Matthew 7:12: “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them…” If I want someone to be intentional with me, I should first be intentional with them. If I want a friend to pursue me, I should pursue them also.

I’m supposed to love my neighbors as myself. One of the best ways I can think to do this, is to intentionally love them, build relationships with them, and be a constant friend even in moments where I feel as though I am not being pursued the way I wish I was.

Thinking about how intentional our God is makes me so joyful of the fact that I can be intentional with others. God didn’t sit around and passively wait for you to stumble across the Bible and find out that He loves you. He actively placed people, circumstances, and His own presence in your life to draw you to Him. He was active and intentional with you. And if your God was so intentional in pursuing your devotion, why shouldn’t you be at least half as intentional in pursuing the friendship of those around you?

We are made in God’s image, so we reflect His characteristics in our lives. One of these amazing aspects of God’s character is intentional love. Intentional pursuit of all people.

Be intentional, even when you don’t feel like that friend deserves it. Even when you don’t want to love them, to call them, to invite them to your Bible study, still be intentional. Why? Because God created you to intentionally love those around you as yourself. If you want to be pursued, do onto others as you want to do onto you and pursue them. Let that pursuit be an example, so one day, they can also pursue friendships with that same kind of intentional love.

Pursue the heck out of your friendships, and don't be afraid to gain yourself some new friends, too!


  • Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Ephesians 5:15-17
  • The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance. Proverbs 21
  • I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:14
  • Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2
  • Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6