How to (Really) Be Single

According to society, there are two types of single people.

Loner Laura: this girl lives a cursed existence as a hopeless romantic with no romantic prospects. She spends her days pining over unattainable men and crying over Nicholas Sparks movies by herself. When guys ask Laura out, her eagerness overwhelms them and often drives them away. Her desperation prevents her from evaluating if a guy is even right for her; she simply wants love and attention.

Party Paula: this girl is totally making the most of her singlehood. She goes out all the time, dresses in super-sexy outfits, and goes home with a different guy every night. Maybe she wants to settle down one day, but right now she has no patience for a monogamous relationship. This lifestyle is wreaking havoc on her liver, sleep schedule, and trust in the male population, but at least she’s having fun—right?

Which of these girls is doing the right thing in God’s eyes? If you answered “neither,” you’re right! Here is my philosophy toward singleness and dating: I love being alone, and I will date someone only if he enhances my solitude. The Bible calls us to acknowledge each season of our lives and use our time for His glory.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing - Ecclesiastes 3:1-22

Singleness is more than just a season; it’s a gift! Think of it this way: if you get married at age thirty, and you and your husband both live to be ninety, that’s sixty years spent with one person… wow!! So right now, whether you’re 21 or 25 or 29, you may only have a few years left to be alone and figure yourself out before you begin the whole “’til death do us part” thing.

Right now, nothing is off-limits! If you want to hike across the Himalayas or learn Mandarin or try scuba diving, there’s nothing stopping you! You have no husband or kids to complicate your logistics. The world will tell you this is a time to be selfish, but in reality it’s so much more than that. God is calling you to follow your heart’s deepest desires, experience the delights of His creation, and embrace the freedom of being young.

When it comes to finding the right man, here’s some advice a friend gave me: start by making a list of attributes you’re seeking in a future spouse, and invert it so you can work on those qualities within yourself. Has your dream man studied the entire Great Books canon? Does he work out on a regular basis? Read the Bible every day? You can’t control whether you’ll meet someone with those attributes, but you can work on becoming that person. And while you’re reading Aristotle in the library or lifting weights in the gym, you might even meet someone interesting along the way.

When you fall in love with being single, you won’t be tempted to settle for the first man who pays attention to you. Relationships can be exhilarating and wonderful, but God never designed them to be our life’s sole focus. Focus on pursuing your passions, seeking spiritual growth, and becoming the best version of yourself. Once those things are in place, God will bring the right man into your life! He’s already writing your love story, and it’s far better than anything Nicholas Sparks could imagine.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6

Photo courtesy of our friends at Couples Coordinates